01/21/26 slow down

kitchenbastards (whatever, dad)

tomorrow is my 18th birthday and i still feel like i'm 15 at most. is this a normal occurence? when i look in the mirror i am shocked by my own reflection and i feel like it really isn't me. maybe it's because i just bleached my whole head... but still, my brain is at the same state that it was when i was 15. How is it possible for me to feel so young and yet still be more politically informed than people twice my age? Seriously, how are people so stupid that they are blind to what is going on around us right now? I'm not excited for what will come this year.

my cat and i at my end of year party








everything means nothing to me (elliot smith)

i feel like throwing up every day from some sort of life ending anxiety. i literally cannot breathe - but it could be due to the fact that my driving test is tomorrow. i'm trying not to think about it, or set any expectations for myself. i'm also going on vacation very soon and i'm gonna miss my cat so so so so so much i love her and i cannot survive without her guh.. wish me so much luck..

this is naomi and i at early xmas party


knee deep at ATP (los campesinos!)

i feel a little less hopeless than before, but i still don't really understand what is going on. i kind of feel like i'm taking a backseat to my life, i have no clue whats going on, but it's nice and relaxing. i thought people were overexaggerting when they spoke about university (i lost the passion that comes with living since i started university - you know who) but it's actually really awful. and that's another thing. THAT band came to town a few days ago, and its brought everything up all over again. i've never felt more about music than i did when i was listening to them. nothing is the same.

whitney stayed over for the weekend


a sunday (jimmy eat world)

i feel like every day is more and more pointless. IM GOING TO BE TRYING NOT TO FAIL IN SCHOOL FOR AT LEAST 6 MORE YEARS?? i need a phd to get enough money to even survive in this economy. what if i don't even like what i do once i achieve it? ill be able to make around $100 000 a year when i'm finished. what if thats not enough? when am i going to have time to have kids? get married? go on vacation? i'm only seventeen, but i feel like when im 28 im going to feel the exact same way. anyways!! its spooky season again, and this is the first year where i am genuinely not going out so that i can complete uni work. hashtag locked in. i hope.

this is what halloween is looking like this year


no name no 5 (elliot smith)

i know some people are defintely without a doubt really really evil but i kind of don't mind when i probably should. i entertain it. if everyone keeps evil people in their lives where is the line?? are there different rules for evil extended family? or do you have to suck it up because they are blood? i dont really care what other people say about me, but all i know is if i hear anyone at that wedding insult my parents it is on sight.

it was carrot's big 18.


i'm not like the other girls (alex g)


the future is scary. obviously it is, everyone knows that. but i feel like its coming faster and faster. i feel like im 15 years old. why am i in university. everything except me is moving fast and i feel as though im being left behind in the dust. everytime i think of the future i end up curled on the floor of my bathroom with my cat and that makes me feel even worse because what am i supposed to do when i move into dorms and i dont have my cat with me. shes going to be so lonely and so confused and if i cant go a night without crying because i miss her how am i supposed to move away? can i stay seventeen forever?

carrot and polly!


washer (slint)

hey guys so what even was this month. i feel so detached?? all i can think about is what i have to do next, breakfast the next day, plans this weekend.. and then suddenly a whole month is going by. time is my number one opp. its moving faster and faster every day. my first month of uni is over and i cannot say i have strong opinions on it. i love education, of course. i just probably shouldn't have taken five classes. but i mean every class is still fun, so i can't complain!

my daughter